Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hippo gnu deer
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
