Don't you send me to vm
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
