I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ttyl tear gas
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
