His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
