So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
