what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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