Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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