that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
