since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bring me that man meat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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