your thong is hanging out like whoa
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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