is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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