morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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