Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
