I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
