To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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