Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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