the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
