yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
