i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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