I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
