God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
