...so i touched it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
