life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Me too!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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