his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
