You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
