i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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