I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize