don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
