I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I did not marry a roomba.
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