Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
