Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
