I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
