Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
