So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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