i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
