He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
