god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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