I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
