I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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