Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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