I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
