Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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