Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
honey bunches of taint.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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