I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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