she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
