I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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