all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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