i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
