I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
