he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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