Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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