The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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