Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish i was in the wii world.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
