you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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