Barsexuality is the new black.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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