dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
