we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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