My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dear god my vagina.
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