Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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