Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
