Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
