So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
