I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
