I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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