I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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