dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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