she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
