After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
