i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
