This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
