____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
40s are totally the cure
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
