i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
