you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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