we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
