hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
