drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
