Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
