he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
